


My Time of Dying

by Alazan



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Dying Danny, Emotional Hurt, I don't have any medical knowledge outside basic Google searches, I'm Sorry, Loss, McDanno if you squint, Sad Ending, Therapy, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-23 00:22:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7459305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alazan/pseuds/Alazan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny's sick. So sick he's not got that much time. But he refuses to tell anyone. He's refusing treatment and just wants to go naturally...</p><p>He slips away while watching television with Steve. </p><p>Steve is very unprepared to lose Danny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Time of Dying

"-anny. Danny? Daniel!"

Danny snapped out of his thoughts as he looked over at Rachel who was packing up some things for Grace and Charlie as they were being picked up by their father. She was looking at him with great concern. Though they had split and had their differences, she did love him once...and then again. She'd known him very well and knew when something was very wrong. 

"Yeah, sorry...what did you ask?" Danny asked quietly. 

"I asked if everything was alright. You seem...off." Rachel commented. 

They were brutally honest with each other most of the time, so whenever anything was the matter, Rachel would always be a form of confidant. 

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." Danny waved it off. 

"I do. More so because you've asked to take our children on an unplanned outing." Rachel said, trying to fish out answers. 

"What? Can't a father take his children out for some good fun?" Danny asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"Whatever it is that's going on, I hope you tell someone. If not me...then Steve."

"It's nothing, Rachel. Don't worry about me, okay?"

Before she could reply to that, Charlie came barreling into Danny with a cry of, "Danno!" And that was the end of that conversation. 

* * *

 

"Detective Williams...?" Max asked as Danny headed his way to get information on their latest victim. He'd been alone because there were other suspects and places the team needed to go to at once. Max had been waiting and was preparing himself for his usual 'banter' with the blond Detective when said Detective didn't even make it to his door. 

Danny was a few inches away from the door before he stumbled and then passed out.

"Detective Williams!" Max cried out and rushed over to check up on him. 

It took him a while but he finally got Danny to wake up and in a chair. He was doing his best to examine the blond while trying to get answers. 

"How are you feeling, Detective? Any wounds I should be aware about?" Max asked.

"Arrgh...what happened?" Danny groaned as he sat up more in his chair. 

"You passed out. There are many different reasons as to why, but perhaps you can help eliminate the non-causes. Has this happened to you before recently?" Max asked, grabbing a pen and notepad, ready to take notes. 

"Max..." Danny sighed deeply as he ran his hand over his face. 

"Detective." Max said in reply while coaxing him with his eyes to elaborate. 

Which made Danny sigh away. He knew he couldn't keep this entirely a secret he just wished he could. 

"It's...it's happened before. And I've gone in to get it checked out. I've had a few test and..." Danny paused, and though it may not have been his intention, it did cause a dramatic affect. But with what he said next, it was probably fitting. "I'm dying, Max."

Max's eyes widened ever slightly before he gave one of his awkward chuckled. "We are all dying, Detective. It is the law of nature."

Danny nodded. He was told that denial like that was normal to hearing news like that. "I know that, Max. But...I ain't dying of old age. Probably not a bullet or explosion or some sort of crash either..."

Realization was dawning on Max that this was real, and he frowned deeply. "I am...so very sorry to hear, Detective Williams. May I ask what the prognosis is?"

Danny scoffed as he leaned into his chair. "A bunch of big words I can't pronounce that basically said I'm sick...so sick I'm dying. Soon."

"Oh..." Max looked down and paused. After a moment he looked up and asked, "Who else knows?"

"Other than you? The doc who gave me the bad news." 

"Not even Commander McGarret knows?" Max asked, surprised.

"No. And he's not gonna...Max, there's no cure. At best they can try to prolong my life with procedures that'll just...make me look worse than what I am right now. Right now it's all on the inside. I still look like me. I just...I can't let them know. They'll feel helpless. They'll look for things and drive themselves crazy looking for stuff....I just...I can't force that on them, ya know." Danny paused for a moment before he added. "I'm sorry you have to know, Max. I wanted to spare you the grief of it too."

Max gave Danny one of his small smiled before he said. "I appreciate the concern, Detective but it's not needed. I am, as they say, a big boy. I can handle this...and you mustn't deal with this alone. If there's anything I can do to help, just ask."

"Thank you, Max. But for now all I ask is if you keep this between us....and also tell me about the vic. I'm sure they're probably all wondering what happened." Danny said as he stood up. 

Max was quick to follow and hover a bit over Danny as he led him to the corpse and began to explain his findings. Danny knew that he and Max weren't the best of buds and to have the doc so concerned about him, there was no way he could tell Steve and the others. 

* * *

 

"Alright, let's go out for some celebratory...non-alcoholic for me, drinks!" Steve exclaimed. 

The case had been one hell of a challenge that put pressure on all of them. One of those cases that needed to be celebrated no matter what. But after his transplant, the medicine he had to take now, well, drinking alcohol wasn't an option anymore. But that wouldn't stop him from celebrating a job well done with his team. 

Except, as he did a headcount, he realized they were one short. 

"Where's Danny?" Steve asked.

"He said he had to go. Left before I could get anything else out of him." Chin replied. 

"Maybe he has the kids this weekend?" Kono suggested.

"No, he just had them a few days ago. Plus, Rachel's taking the kids on some Mainland visit to one of Stan's other places." Steve replied.

"Maybe he's just tired. He does seem like he hadn't slept a lot this week. Maybe it's all just catching up to him." Lou suggested. 

Steve didn't really believe that. Now that the dangers of the case weren't clouding his mind, he could think properly on Danny. His behavior these last couple of weeks have been...off. It was more than the transplant, he was sure. But Danny hadn't said anything. Steve was worried, for obvious reasons but he also didn't have anything solid to worry about. 

"Stop thinking, McGarrett." Lou ordered. "If you're so damn worried, go and find the guy and ask him."

Steve was about to deny the claim, telling the others they could go ahead and celebrate without Danny, but something in the pit of his stomach couldn't leave this alone. "You guys go and get us a table. I'll go find Danny." 

* * *

 

Steve found Danny in the parking lot and tried to get him to go out and have some fun with the gang. Danny told Steve he was just to tired and wanted to go to bed. Steve looked at Danny with the most critical and analytical look he could muster before deciding that Danny wasn't lying and he was tired. Maybe even coming down with something. 

"You want me to go with you?" Steve volunteered. 

Danny rolled his eyes, but was mentally glad for it. He was feeling....something and he didn't think it was safe to drive. With Steve coming along, it meant that he would drive Danny's Camaro. 

"Sure, whatever." Danny replied, throwing his arms in the air while tossing Steve his keys. 

The drive was rather quiet, it unnerved Steve. Unconsciously he caressed the transplant scar that matched Danny's and then looked over. "You okay, man?"

"Hm? Yes, why wouldn't I be?" 

Steve shrugged. "I don't know...maybe something with the kids? Something from Jersey? One of your sisters or your parents or something?"

"Nothing of the sort, babe. Just...tired." Danny replied as honestly as he could. And he was. He was very tired. 

"Well, we'll get you home and you can rest." Steve said with a nod. 

* * *

 

Steve kept showing up from that day on to see if Danny was getting sick and needed looking after. But other than tiredness, there weren't any other sort of symptoms like the flu or cold or anything. It worried Steve that maybe Danny had fallen in some sort of horrible depression.

He tried getting Danny to talk to him. To see if there was a specific problem he could help with. But Danny wouldn't budge in opening up. All Steve could do was be there for him. 

* * *

 

"What are you doing here?" Danny asked as he let Steve into his place.

"What do you mean what am I doing here? It's our day off. I'm here to hang out." Steve said as he let himself in. 

Danny sighed, "Steven, it's our day off I planned on doing nothing today and just relaxing."

"We can do that." Steve said stubbornly as he plopped himself on th couch and made himself comfortable. "Nothing. All day. Just you and me."

"I was thinking more like...nothing, me and my bed." Danny injected into the conversation before sighing and plopping onto the couch himself. "But fine. Channel 36 there's a game."

"Deja vu, but no, we're watching this." Steve said as he grabbed the remote and changed it to the soap opera he had watched at the hospital. 

"What are you serious?" Danny demanded, pointing to the screen with both hands. "This is what you wanna watch? No, change it to the game, Steven."

"It has a compelling story to it and I need to find out if Barbara ever discovers who was stealing her father's money and if she'll tell Guillermo that the real father of her child is Esteban." 

Danny looked at Steve like he had grown a second head and another three arms. "Did you just honestly say all of that? You? Mr. Big Bad GI, Navy SEAL, just say he would rather watch a soap instead of a game!?"

"Yes, Daniel. I am very confident in my sexuality to know it's okay to be as invested in a soap than in a team." Steve remarked and was secretly happy about this. This was the first real banter he's had with Danny in weeks. It felt good. Therapeutic. He hoped it would work for Danny too. 

"Unbelievable. So...we're watching this?" Danny asked as he gestured to the screen. 

"Yes. We are. So get comfy. They're pushing towards the finale so the episodes are two hours long now." Steve told him, which made Danny groan. 

Danny did his best to stay awake through the whole show, but the last couple of days his tiredness has grown. His blackouts have become more and more frequent and he just knew....it would be soon. 

He calls Gracie and Charlie each day and wishes them a good day and says 'I love you.' Calls them each night to wish them goodnight and tells them 'I love you' then too. He's called his parents and his sisters with the same thing, under the ruse that a particularly hard case made him realize how often the chances appear to tell someone how they feel but they go unsaid because we always think we have the time. They call him silly, but indulge him and say 'I love you' back and he's said goodbye to his family. He regrets not being able to say anything to his Ohana but he knows they'll see through the ruse without there actually being a case that brings those sort of thoughts out. 

If they pry, and they will, they'll find something and then all he's feared that they would do would get done and...he couldn't. Maybe it was selfish, but he couldn't tell them he was dying. 

Sometime between a commercial and Steve explaining the plot...Danny slipped away. 

* * *

 

When the credits began to roll, Steve grinned down at Danny who had leaned into his shoulder. Then he rolled his eyes. "Seriously, Danny? How could you fall a sleep with an ending like that!?" Steve had a smile on his face of pure amusement but it was slowly disappearing when that feeling in the pit of his stomach roared to life. "Danny?" Steve asked hesitantly. 

No response.

"Yo, Danny!" Steve said a little louder to get Danny to woke up from his nap. 

But Danny wasn't waking, and as he looked at his partner, Steve noticed how eerily still Danny was. 

"Danny!" Steve cried out as he moved to face Danny properly and cup his face, trying to get him to wake up. He gently slapped Danny, trying to rouse him but nothing was working. "Danny, come on man!" Steve begged, fear lacing his voice. He pressed his fingers to Danny's neck but he couldn't find a pulse. 

"No, no, no, no..." Steve muttered under his breath as he laid Danny down and tore open his shirt to begin compressions and then mouth to mouth, but nothing worked. He grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. When they picked up, the panic in his voice was clear, even to him. "This is Commander Steve McGarrett. I need an ambulance to this address immediately. Detective Danny Williams is unresponsive and...I need someone to help, okay?! I need....my partner needs help, send someone to help! Please!"

 _"Help is on the way commander. Keep calm."_ The dispatcher said.  

Easier said than done. 

* * *

 

Steve was pacing the hospital halls as the rest of 5-0 slowly began to arrive. 

"What happened?" Chin asked as Kono and Lou followed behind him. 

Steve looked a mess. Clothes and hair disheveled, eyes bloodshot and darting from place to place, sweaty and clammy. "I don't know. One moment he was okay, then he's just...he's not breathing! He wasn't breathing and I....I...I didn't notice. I just sat there....forcing him to watch a stupid soap opera when he wanted to watch the game! I invaded his home on his day off when he just wanted some R and R and I bulldoze through and make myself king of his kingdom and and-"

"Boss!" Kono yelled to snap him out of it. It was so weird for 5-0 to see Steve like that. 

Chin placed a calming hand on Steve's shoulder. "Hey...I'm sure everything will be alright. He's with those who can help him." 

"R-right..." Steve muttered but the feeling in his gut told him something wasn't right. 

* * *

 

"Williams?" A doctor called out after reading from a chart.

All of 5-0 was surrounding him instantly. It hadn't been too long since they brought Danny in, so they were all holding their breaths. 

When the doctor looked apologetically at all of them their reactions were similar but all their own. Lou and Chin closed their eyes and had to turn away. Kono let out a silent gasp as she covered her mouth and eyes begin to shine with tears. 

Steve? 

He was in full denial.

"No....No, you must have another Williams because...because Danny can't...he..he _can't_!" 

"What happened, doc?" Lou asked. 

" _Nothing_ happened! Because that's not our Danny! Our Danny... _my_ Danny isn't dead!" Steve roared before storming out into the halls to have a fight with the vending machines. 

"I got him..." Chin told the others. 

Lou and Kono remained with the doctor to ask for answers. 

The doctor shared a sympathetic look before going into an explanation. He used a few big medical words, but then told them something they hadn't known. Danny was sick. Had known he was sick. 

"Thanks doc..." Lou said once the explanation was over. He sounded as exhausted as Kono felt. 

"I'm very sorry for your loss..." the doctor said before excusing himself. 

"I can't believe it..." Kono muttered. 

"Yeah..." then he looked into the hallway where Chin was trying to calm Steve down but he was fighting Chin like a wild animal. "Come on. As much as you can't believe it. Steve won't accept it..." 

Kono nodded and they went to help. Steve fought them as much as he could without actually using any of his training, not really wanting to hurt any of them. Finally he just collapsed onto the floor and wept as the thought finally entered his thick skull. 

It hurt. 

It hurt more than any knife or bullet wound. More than any crash or explosion. He could walk away from those. _Has_ walked away from those. But with Danny. Losing Danny was...was the hardest thing since losing his dad or aunt Deb. 

* * *

 

"And how are we today, Commander?" His and Danny's therapist asked him. 

They wanted him to speak with one after what happened. He didn't want to but it later came as an order from the Governor. If he wanted to keep being active in 5-0, he needed to go weekly for at least an hour. He agreed, but only if it was the same person who did his and Danny's partner sessions. 

"About the same as last week..." Steve replied numbly. 

"Care to elaborate?" She prompted. 

Steve sighed. Part of him wanted to shut the world down, go into some sort of coma, and dream up the perfect world where Danny was still alive. But he couldn't. Not with the responsibilities of 5-0, Mary, Gracie and Charlie, and Nahele. 

Another part wants to keep talking about Danny because he's afraid he'll be forgotten. He sees how people don't bring him up anymore because they're afraid it'll make him sad.

"But you don't want them to forget about Detective Williams." The shrink said and apparently he said the last thing out loud. 

He laced his fingers and looked away a bit, something new about him that he didn't used to do in the these sessions. "I sometimes hear him...someone would say the words he might say and I think it's him. Some days maybe the wind's strong and I think I hear his laugh. I'm out surfing and there's water in my ear and there'll be some blond wiping out on his board and I'll think that's Danny....I'll be alone and I swear he's right there next to me filling in the blanks to whatever I was missing on a case..."

"The mind and the heart are complicated things, Commander. You have blocks and...the part of Detective Williams that remain in your heart and mind come out. It's a coping mechanism." She explained. "Anything else?"

"I've been hanging out with Grace a bit more...she's having the hardest time out of any of us, I think." Steve commented. "She and Danny were close...Charlie's still too young to fully understand. But with him gone, I...I find him in her and she finds him in me. So...I take her to practice. I help her train. I look out for her the way I promised Danny I would..."

"That's very kind of you. And it seems to help the both of you."

"It does..."  
  
"But?"

"But it still hurts! Sometimes when I wake up...for like five seconds I forget that he's dead and my first thought is 'I wonder what Danny's doing' and then it all comes crashing back all over again!...I...I loved him and he was taken and it still fucking hurts and that's not going away!"

"I'm afraid not, Commander. I'm afraid not." 


End file.
